Reality is not as pretty as it seemed.

The last post was dated in May, which was when i've just started work.
It's Sept now, almost 5+ months of work..

Indeed, reality is not as pretty as i thought.
It is not the fairytale land that i've imagined, it is not a place where angels roam.. There are devils lurking in the dark, evil creatures crawling behind your back, and dangerous obstacles waiting for you to fall into.

I was very excited after graduation. "FINALLY! i can earn money and pamper my loved ones, daddy can semi-retire, and i can spend my own hard earned cash on my pretty pretty clothes/accessories..." I forgot to tell myself something that daddy has been constantly reminding me of. I need to learn to be more wary of people especially since im stepping into the working society. He was always worried abt me, cos i'd always naively assume everyone is nice, not evil; won't hurt me... aka [没有防人之心].

Initially i thought daddy was just being over-anxious cos i have helpful bosses and friendly colleagues. But slowly, i agreed with him.. i discovered these are just smoke screens. I've seen the ugliness of human beings, resort to do anything just to claim their worth, or to make u seemed worthless. Though my 'sights/experiences' are still shallow, it has already scare me. They will claim credit they did all these (when it wasn't actually done by them) if the outcome is postitive; or push the blame to you (me) if it is negative. "Thanks" for these learning experiences.. Or they can twist and turn their words in front of higher authorities just to make themselves look better or cover their mistakes.

I used to talk abt my personal issues to them, but i found out sometimes, colleagues are just colleagues. They can never be your friends in life. So i reduce the amount of stuff i reveal..

I did not want to let my parents/bf know abt me being upset too often.. cos it hurts me to see them worry. But i m the EXPRESSIVE and EMOTIONAL type of person, who doesn't like to hide my feelings, so i always blurt out the truth to them. I m true to my feelings and am not the kind who will smile at you but deep down inside disliking u.
Last Wed, i finally broke down over dinner with mummy. Treatment at work by a particular person was terrible (spare the details here). The tears has been accummulated for weeks and they finally overflow. Mummy asked me to quit my job if im really unhappy, she said it breaks her heart to see me cry... but i didnt want to. I do not wan to be seen as a weakling (to show the bully that i've lost/cant take it anymore), irresponsible person (to leave my job half-done when things are piling up) or to be a quitter. Daddy taught me how to change my mindset over these, and it calmed me a little [if not, i m very tempted to give that person a tight slap for being such a *****!].

I HATE BACKSTABBERS, HYPOCRITE! In fact, i think they are just cowards who do not dare to talk to you face-to-face over the matter. My colleague felt exactly the same way towards that person, and i wanted to be more open to discussion, so that the situation can improve.
Instead of confronting the person, i informed/feedback to the person gently that we hope to change this/that/etc to work better in the future.. Little did i know this person called my colleague and confronted her in a very harsh tone.. and even feedback to higher authority regarding this issue though it can be solved between us. We will be seen as being 'defiant' to superior if we said too much too detailed, or to be seen as finding problem out of nothing if we keep our mouth shut. Either way will make my colleague and i look bad isn't it?
Up to a certain point of discussion, both of us gave up explaining and let the opposition take her stand/let her deny the facts we said, even if the facts were incomplete. We just have to accept it.

Through this experience, I know i've to keep certain views to myself, to accept that this is the working reality and just do what i've to do. To learn to control my expression and emotions, be cautious of what comes out of my mouth and to be careful of my back every now and then.

Working everywhere should be the same, if not worse (i heard). So i guess i jus have to learn and grow to customise myself to fit into the working society. I'll just do my part and NOT let anyone has the opportunity to stab me for not doing my work [which i have been dutifully fulfilling my task laaaaaaaa, just in case u know. tsktsk..]. Thankfully i have my family/bf/friends and some colleagues who will stand by me, if not i would not know how to survive.

Felt better now after ranting. Thanks for listening, my dear blog. :) I'll be back soon.

*Identities are kept secret to protect myself from any further disputes. HAHAHA!

CIAOS!